


Over the Love

by Emilia676



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Loki - Freeform, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, M/M, Optimistic Ending, Secret Santa, Sibling Incest, Thor - Freeform, Thor Feels, Thor: The Dark World, Thor: The Dark World Compliant, after some fighting, they'll get there, they're working it out, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 22:04:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5472284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilia676/pseuds/Emilia676
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is serving his time in prison; Thor, against his better judgment, seeks his brother out. Surely, he cannot stay angry forever?</p><p>It took everything in Thor not to simply walk through the barrier and slam Loki against the wall. But he could not say honestly that he would not kiss Loki at that point, and his weakness enraged him further. Thor paced back and forth like he was the one caged. </p><p>“Look at you,” Loki continued in a low, harsh voice. “Losing your mind over the first thing in your entire existence that does not go your way.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Over the Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Luxu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luxu/gifts).



> So this is my Secret Santa gift to Thorkys. :D I chose the first prompt that you gave me and I really hope you enjoy it, as well as the rest of the fandom. It gave me some difficulty as far as making sure everything felt convincing enough, but I'm rather proud of the outcome! With that said, feedback is always appreciated - enjoy! 
> 
> ***The original prompt is in the notes at the end, if anyone is interested in reading it beforehand.
> 
> Big thanks to both Umakoo and Radiatorfromspace for beta-reading this - you were both a big help! :)
> 
> " 'Cause you're a hard soul to save  
> With an ocean in the way  
> But I'll get around it,  
> I'll get around it"  
> -Florence + the Machine

_Thor laughed as he ran alongside Loki through the dim halls beneath the ground floors of the palace._

_“Shh, Thor!” Loki chastised, but he was giggling too._

_They ran and ran, hands clasped as they indulged this childish diversion. Slipping away from their history tutor had not been a part of Thor’s plans for the day, but the only convincing he’d needed was a rolling of Loki’s eyes and a jerk of his head toward the door in a silent question._

_So, naturally, they snuck out while their teacher’s back was turned._

_“Here!” Loki said as he stopped abruptly, nearly causing them both to topple to the stone floor. He pulled Thor to step inside a crevice in the wall. It was only large enough for them to stand inside, just short of being chest-to-chest._

_They leaned on one another anyway, trying to stifle their laughter._

_“Thor! Loki! I tell you, I’m in no mood for this!” Their names continued to bounce off the walls as they were called, at first faintly, but steadily sounding closer._

_“Loki turned fourteen just weeks ago. You are too old for this, the both of you…”_

_Thor grinned at Loki. “Should we-” He was about to suggest that they give themselves up since ominous footsteps could be heard now. However, Loki had suddenly covered Thor’s mouth with his hand, and brought up the other to place a finger over his own lips to signal silence. Thor could just make out the small smirk on his brother, and he nodded. Loki grinned, though he did not remove his hand._

_The footsteps drew closer, and Thor wondered what Loki was playing at – they would surely be discovered at any moment._

_“Alright now, I can see your hiding spot, you two. Highly amusing! Come, your lesson has been stalled long enough.”_

_Thor turned his eyes back to Loki questioningly, but Loki shook his head and indicated that Thor watch the opening to their spot. A short silence followed._

_“Very well. I wasn’t going to tell your father,” the voice began again, shoes clacking angrily against the floor, “but this is beyond the realm of my responsibilities as an instructor, I was not hired to tend childr-”_

_Thor stiffened as their tutor appeared, looking right at them – except that he wasn’t. He was looking above their heads, shocked; stumbling backwards, his back hit the wall before he began screaming. Thor watched in confusion as he fled the hall._

_Loki waited until they could no longer hear his yells or footsteps before releasing Thor and bursting into laughter. “Did, did you see his face?”_

_“What did you do?” Thor asked, the urge to laugh coming on again through sheer contagiousness._

_“I’ve learned to cast glamours – he thought he was looking, at a giant snake!”_

_Thinking back to the expression of terror and the screams of their poor teacher, Thor began laughing in earnest. They clung to one another for support once more, shoulders shaking as the sounds of their amusement filled the small space around them._

_Eventually, the laughter dissolved, and Loki leaned back. When Thor did the same and looked at his brother, he was struck by the joy in Loki’s grin, by the pleased gleam in his eyes for having provided a bit of fun to their otherwise dull day._

_He suddenly felt rather breathless, and it was no longer due to laughing._

_“That was wonderfully clever, brother,” Thor offered. He felt his stomach twist – not altogether unpleasantly – at the shyness that Loki’s smile took on._

_“Thank you. I suppose we really should get back,” Loki said, looking away. As he talked, Thor found himself drawing closer, never having been one to deny his impulses before. When Loki turned his head toward Thor again, it was just in time for their lips to meet in a light, curious brushing._

_When he pulled away, Loki’s eyes were wide. If Thor were to guess, he would have said that his slender cheeks were tinted red as well. Thor smiled._

_“I would try that again, with your permission.”_

_He was delighted by Loki’s wordless nod, and wished it wasn’t so dark so that he might fully see his brother’s face. But then, it didn’t really matter when his eyes were closing in the next moment, anyway._

Thor was awoken by the soft feeling of Runa rubbing her whiskers against his cheek, her purrs loud in his ears. Reaching up, Thor stroked her long, white coat and smiled a bit when the purrs grew even louder. Glancing at the window, Thor saw that it was rather early still; only traces of sunlight crept into his bedroom. 

He turned on his side and she lied down, curling against his chest. Thor closed his eyes, wishing for his dream to pick up again, but to no avail. He loved when he dreamed of real events (the good ones, at least), always amazed by their detailed nature. It had been a surprise when Jane informed him she couldn’t remember ever having dreams like that before. 

That day had been perfect. Thor could remember exactly the way Loki smelled, like incense and a light hint of sweat from their running. They had kissed for what felt like ages. Thor was a little nervous, but he loved how extraordinarily shy Loki became, how lightly he placed his hands to Thor’s chest, how strained his breaths were when Thor’s lips were on his neck. Like he was afraid to let Thor know how much he liked it. 

Thor laughed, the sudden noise drawing a miffed meow from his companion. 

“Sorry,” Thor muttered, amused. 

Loki always added some sort of mischief to their youthful days, as far back as Thor could remember. It was something he had always admired. Whereas Thor would usually resign himself to whatever monotonous tasks he was obligated to endure as a prince, discontent though he might be, Loki was never one to stand for anything if he found it to be unsatisfactory. He would _find_ a way to amuse himself, and thankfully Thor as well. 

Sometimes Loki would begin questioning their tutors so thoroughly that they seemed unsure of their own answers, spouting off counter-arguments that were sometimes real debates on Loki’s part, and sometimes merely to see how skilled he was in the art of discourse. Thor never knew which it was until later when he asked about it. And Loki always thought of the best games. He would describe elaborate worlds to Thor, and then they would play them out in a hundred different ways. No exact scenario was ever repeated. 

During late parties held for political reasons they were too young to understand, far past their bedtimes, Loki would convince Thor to follow him (through sections of the palace he was not even aware of) and sneak inside somehow. Usually they slid under a table cloth and dared each other to see who to could grab the most food without getting caught. 

Of course, they _were_ caught doing one foolish thing or another, many times – but Frigga was usually lenient with them, too lenient as Odin would say. Or maybe it was simply Loki’s reasoning that made them lucky, such as the time that Thor had almost been convinced himself that it had been a good idea for them to wear girl’s clothing to an ambassadorial gathering. Loki had argued something like seeing if foreign ambassadors respected Asgardian royalty enough to still take them seriously (which they had, by the way, through barely-hidden bafflement). They had laughed about that afterwards for some time. 

Thor stretched languidly, keeping his eyes shut, a smile tugging the corners of his mouth upward. 

_“I wish I was as smart as you,” Thor complained after slamming his textbook shut. Loki laughed, though it escaped Thor as to what was so funny._

_“You_ are _smart, Thor.”_

_“But not like you,” Thor insisted._

_“Perhaps not like me,” Loki paused, thinking. “But that would be incredibly boring, would it not, if we were the same?”_

Thor was not exactly sure of when he noticed that Loki’s face lost the fullness of childhood and gained the sleek lines and prominent cheekbones that exuded aristocracy. He was not sure of when Loki’s eyes had discarded their curious glow at everything around them for one of hunger. 

He was not sure, no matter how much he reminisced, of when he began caring for Loki more than simply as his brother. Of course, Thor had always adored Loki, from the second he was presented to him by their parents, and Loki had always responded well to Thor’s devotion. Eventually, sparked by the curiosity of that first kiss, they gradually fell in love.

Thor had never felt anything like it, having publicly courted a few girls in his adolescence while he and Loki developed their relationship in secrecy. He realized during that time that with anyone else, unconditional acceptance would always be a long-term goal; with Loki, however, it already existed as their very foundation. Other courtships could only pale in comparison to that. Once Loki departed his teen years and joined Thor in entering manhood, the two of them were rather inseparable and stopped putting effort into outside relationships for the sake of appearances. 

Beneath the warmth of the blankets, Thor did not realize the grin he was sporting. 

_“Tell me you love me,” Loki whispered. They sat huddled in front of the fire in Thor’s room with a blanket wrapped around them both._

_Thor squeezed his shoulders. “I love you.”_

_Loki hummed softly. “Is it not curious that I am unworthy of Mjolnir, but wield her owner?”_

_Thor thought for a bit before answering. “Perhaps I am only worthy of her because I am worthy of you.” He kissed Loki’s temple, listening to his pleasant laugh._

_“Whatever makes you think you are worthy of me?”_

_Chuckling, Thor lazily reached toward the other side of the bed, seeking the warmth of his brother._

_“Promise me you’ll never love another.”_

_“Loki, how is anyone to make such a promise?”_

_“Is there another?”_

_“Of course not.”_

_“Then one should make it quite easily.”_

_“I promise to always love you the best.”_

Loki had not been happy with Thor that day, but what could he do? The demand felt too suffocating, like a set up for failure. But Loki always lived in extremes, wanting all or nothing from Thor. Thor’s hand splayed out against the fabrics, searching. 

Until he remembered he would find nothing there. Thor’s eyes opened, taking in the empty space where Loki would have once slept. He suddenly felt hollow, his good mood vanishing as his hand formed a tight fist, nails digging painfully into his palm. 

_Loki stared up at him almost blankly, a strange sort of peace written on his face, a clarity that Thor was not privy to. Strange because, in the next moment, he let go of Thor’s hand, falling away from him and into the void. And Thor could only watch, screaming, shocked, uncomprehending. Pain seared his chest as his heart, always connected to Loki by an invisible string, was ripped from his body, his armor useless against this kind of assault, and followed him into the abyss._

Purring reached Thor’s ears again, but all he could think of was how much he missed his brother’s company, from before everything spiraled out of control. How he longed for laughter and sweet nothings, instead of cold stares and harsh insults. Six months. It had been six long months that Loki was imprisoned, and Thor often felt that he had been given the same sentence. 

_Though he was muzzled – for that is what Loki would call it if he could speak, Thor was certain – there had never been such intensity in his gaze before. At least, not an intensity born of hatred._

_WHY! Thor wanted to shout at him, to shake Loki until his eyes rolled into the back of his head where perhaps he would finally find a sensible answer to give for all his madness._

_He did neither of those things. Thor looked away, pretending not to feel the wrath of those eyes bearing down upon him with accusations that he could neither stand know nor to be confronted with._

Thor took deep breaths. Loki had not known that Thor was in the throne room when he was sentenced, hidden near the door. He did not see Thor with his head thrown back in an attempt to contain the building tears, guilt-ridden with the knowledge that Loki would likely never know freedom again but not even knowing _why_ he felt that way. Loki would call him a fool. The freedom to do what – betray Thor again? 

He had pleaded with Loki numerous times on Midgard to change his course, each time being met with violence. Still, even the stab inflicted by Loki on the Stark Tower was but a scrape compared to the unseen gashes still bleeding from Thor’s back. 

_“I only mean to understand, Loki, can you not see that?” Thor yelled. He and Loki stood face to face, Loki inside the cell, Thor outside. This was his third visit, and it was turning into a screaming match like the two times before._

_“HAH!” was Loki’s shriek. “What, you mean to understand the only person who would not throw himself at your feet and beg for any scrap of attention you might toss his way?”_

_It took everything in Thor not to simply walk through the barrier and slam Loki against the wall. But he could not say honestly that he would not kiss Loki at that point, and his weakness enraged him further. Thor paced back and forth like he was the one caged._

_“Look at you,” Loki continued in a low, harsh voice. “Losing your mind over the first thing in your entire existence that does not go your way.” He smiled cruelly._

_“Enough!” Thor stood in front of the glass and they silently glared, daring the other to speak first. Thor was afraid he might say something he truly regretted if he opened his mouth again._

_“Enough?” Loki repeated softly. Lifting his hand, Loki brought it in front of Thor’s face and slid it down the glass, imitating the motion of caressing Thor’s cheek. “No, my darling. This is but a taste.”_

_Thor’s eyes widened, angry and hurt at the mockery of what they once shared. “Then I believe I’ve had my fill,” he spat and turned around before he could see Loki’s reaction, his movements feeling exaggerated with the effort of not returning to the cell for just one more attempt at reason. Part of him hoped that Loki would call out for him, if only to taunt him again, but he heard nothing other than his own boots trudging up the stairs._

That had been the last visit, more than five months ago. Though he had yet to return to the dungeons, Loki had been right. It was only a taste. He thought he was going just as mad sometimes, but mad with grief and longing, not whatever poison was tainting Loki’s mind. The worst part was that it should have been more bearable each day to stay away, but Thor found that it grew more difficult. 

Everyone noticed; no one said anything. Frigga was taking it to heart, as well. Thor faked cheerfulness whenever he was obligated, and he suspected she did the same. He was more prone to outbursts over small annoyances, though always quick to apologize. Days dragged and nights were restless. His bed was empty, yet Thor did nothing to remedy that either. It felt wrong. If Thor was this unhappy, he wondered however Loki could possibly pass his time without running head-first into the walls. Perhaps he did on occasion. 

He turned on his back and Runa stepped onto his chest. She pressed her paws repeatedly into his flesh, but lightly as if aware of her claws. Thor tried to smile but she, too, was a constant reminder of Loki, for she was actually his cat. She had only taken to him in the absence of her true master. 

At all hours of day and night, Thor replayed anything and everything over in his head, trying to find clues that might have tipped him off to Loki’s instability. He could never remember any. It was as though Thor had simply blinked and Loki had suddenly given their love over to this rage. 

A long, lonesome sigh was released. Thor hated when he was left alone with these thoughts, but now even the act of seeking out someone’s company seemed too tedious to be bothered with. His limbs felt heavy and there was a constant, dull aching in his chest, at times sharp when he spent too much time alone. How could Loki not feel the same way? 

Thor did not know whether it would hurt more that he did or that he didn’t. 

\---

The remainder of that day was spent lost in his thoughts, constantly changing his mind over whether enough time had passed that he might finally get somewhere with his brother. 

“Is everything alright, Thor?” Sif asked at one point when they passed in a corridor. Thor had not even noticed her approach, and it took him a moment to really hear what she’d said. 

“I – yes, Sif, thank you,” he said. At the look on her face he added, “My mind is…I am only weary.”

“Because of Loki?” She asked, frowning. “Did you go to him again?” Out of his friends, she was the least hesitant of broaching the subject. In fact, she was in the habit of scolding Thor whenever she thought he was wasting his time worrying about the matter. 

“No, I did not,” Thor answered, knowing he sounded defensive but not caring. 

“You are thinking of it.” 

Thor did not answer, for he was irritated by her accusatory tone, but his silence seemed to only confirm her suspicion. “You do remember all he did to you, do you not?”

“Yes-”

“Then I need not mention how he lied to you? Manipulated your coronation? Tried to kill you _twice_ on Midgard-”

“The second time was only meant to incapacitate me, not kill-” They were beginning to overlap one another as their words turned more heated. 

“For how long, Thor? Until he could have you witness his victory, before he became bored even of that?” 

“I do not know!” 

“How many more Midgardians should he have killed before you finally thought him beyond reason? How many of _us_?”

Thor could do nothing but glare. He was angry at being spoken to like a child. _You do not know the full extent of love that has been destroyed by Loki’s hand_. He was angry that Loki did all these things that Sif listed and more. _You cannot comprehend how thoroughly Loki has hurt me_. What he was most angry about, however, was that Sif dared to say aloud what no one else did: Loki did all these things, yet Thor still cared. 

“Thank you for your council, Lady Sif. I shall reflect upon your words with care.”

At that, Sif’s mouth dropped. Though Thor had every right to do so, he had never once in their friendship formally dismissed her. Then she turned promptly and continued her original path without another word, leaving Thor to stand there and wonder what to do with his own frustration. 

\---

“I would see Loki, alone.”

It was almost comical. Had he not spoken with Sif, Thor would likely have stayed away from the dungeons. 

The two guards exchanged looks. 

“In what manner, sire?” one asked. 

“I care not. Move him to a secluded cell. Move the others away. Cast a temporary glamour over us.” Perhaps if Loki did not feel watched by the other prisoners, he would feel more comfortable speaking his mind truthfully. 

_By all means, as long as_ Loki _is comfortable enough_ , a voice said in his head, sounding too much like Sif. 

They agreed to cast a glamour for Thor that would last an hour, over himself and Loki’s cell. Thor thanked them and made his way to where his brother was held prisoner, nerves piling in his stomach in anticipation and dispersing along his very blood stream. Those in the cells he passed paid him no mind, for which Thor was grateful. Privacy was really as much for his own nerves as it was for any Loki might have. 

His approach was not immediately noticed. Loki was lying in his bed on his back, repeatedly tossing a cup into the air and catching it again. His movements were precise, obviously having been practiced many times before. Guilt entered Thor’s conscience again. 

It was only when he was a few steps away from the barrier that Loki lazily turned his head to the side to regard his visitor. Instead of the surprise Thor imagined he would see, Loki simply grinned as though expecting him (and he very well could have been). 

“My, my, my,” he practically crooned as his gaze seemed to bid Thor forward, and with Sif’s words fresh in his mind, he felt ashamed that his heartbeat quickened at Loki’s old charm. 

“Brother,” he greeted, trying to keep any eagerness from his voice. _It is so good to see you_. 

“Am I being released?” Loki ignored the familiar name. He threw the cup up and caught it without looking. “Have I been a very good boy?”

 _I wish with all my heart for that to be my reason for coming_. “You know the answer to both questions.” 

“Ah, very well, then you might see the dancers when they come. They keep us quite entertained, you know-”

“ _Loki_ ,” Thor interjected, aware of their limited time to speak freely, “I am not here to endure your facetiousness.” 

Something in Loki’s expression changed subtlety, the pretended warmth fading. “Then I do not see why you are here at all. In fact,” he said as he sat up, “I remember you having had your fill, as you put it so eloquently. Yet here you stand in the presence of a criminal like myself. You really are magnificent in every way, your majesty.”

This was going nowhere, as Thor had feared. “Criminal you may be, but you are still a prince of Asgard.” Loki scoffed at that, but Thor pressed on. “I am here in an attempt to make peace with you, and perhaps later there could be talk of release.”

“ _Make peace_. How appropriately _formal_ of you.” Loki’s hair framed his face with its natural waves rather than the usual slicked-back, straight look that he’d taken to prior to being locked away. Leaning back, Loki fixed a lewd smile upon Thor as he shifted his legs further apart. “I recall a time when you would have received me more _intimately_.”

There was no hiding the color that Thor felt rush to his cheeks. “I recall a time when you might have allowed it.” 

“Who is to say that time is past?” Loki took on a more sultry expression, one he knew to resonate particularly well with Thor, and tilted his head to one side. “Come join me, brother, and perhaps formalities may be set aside in lieu of mutual interest.” 

Thor forced himself to look at the floor, resting his forehead against the glass. He inhaled deeply and placed an open hand on the glass as well, wanting nothing more than to push inside the room and take Loki up on his offer. If it was even real. 

But that would only complicate everything more than it already was.

“Loki, please,” he started, “it is for but a limited time, but we are neither heard nor seen for the moment, so you may tell me whatever you wish. Let us not waste any more words.” He waited, allowing himself a small bit of hope. 

When he looked up again, however, Loki had stood up and was scowling. “I see. Now that I’ve been given ample time to consider my folly in solitude, I should be only too willing to repent everything to you. Did Odin put you up to this?” 

Thor shook his head, his head swimming. This was not going according to plan, at all. But when it came to Loki, when had anything ever gone as planned?

“No, I am here because of no one else. It is my personal desire to make amends.” 

“ _Spare_ me,” Loki said, rolling his eyes and pacing away. “Mighty Thor. Noble Thor. You are here for one reason only: yourself. Your desire to make amends stems from your desire to escape your guilt. You want me to ask forgiveness for the terrible things I’ve done so that you might grant it.” 

He swung back around, his countenance somehow darker than before. “Am I mistaken?” He did not seem to expect an answer, and walked toward Thor.

“Let me tell you something, brother. I will _not_ beg forgiveness. From anyone.” 

Thor felt a familiar exasperation bubbling inside. “Your stubbornness and lack of responsibility for your actions are the reasons you are here now. What harm could come from an apology?”

“I will not apologize while you continue to live under the impression that you are blameless.” 

“And what have I done to deserve blame?” Thor snapped, unable to stop himself. “Did I force you to let go of my hand? Did you think once of our mourning? Did you find it amusing for me to falsely mourn our father? To murder innocent humans?”

“Murder innocent humans? You did not so much as blink at the thought of slaying all of Jotunheim.” 

“Nor did you! And I have changed since then!” 

“Change? You?” Loki was at the barrier with rage in his eyes, and it was with a panic that Thor realized they were only to argue again without accomplishing a thing. “No one changes. You may have fooled everyone else, Thor, but not me. You expect me to believe a mere few days away from home _changed_ you? Granted, it was long enough for some whore to hold your attention-” 

“I thought my home was lost from me, forever. I thought you were lost. Do you know what it is to think you know your place in the universe only to have it ripped out from beneath you?” 

Loki had, at last, a look of genuine surprise. “Get out.” It was said as a whisper, almost unheard by Thor. 

“What?” 

Turning around, Loki repeated louder, 

“Get. _Out_.” 

His throat burned; Thor thought he might cry from sheer frustration. There were still so many things he wanted to say – or rather, shout – but he remained silent. 

Of all the battles Thor had faced, it was this retreat in which he felt the most defeated. 

\---

A warm, pleasant breeze caressed Thor’s face as he stared out over Asgard’s lights from his seat on a window ledge that night. Down the corridor, a celebration ensued in the palace’s dining hall. Muted voices and music faintly reached Thor’s ears, oddly comforting him with the knowledge that his own melancholy was not impeding the good time of others. Loki, on the other hand, was the type who would have been almost insulted that the world carried on while he was himself ill-humored. Thor could imagine him inwardly gloating at being told how poorly Thor was handling himself in Loki’s absence. 

_“I thought you dead.”_

_“Did you mourn?”_

_“We all did.”_

There was no time to truly reflect on those words until later, for in their exchange Thor had been more concerned with returning Loki home. Upon hearing that he was thought dead, Loki had not apologized – not at all. Instead, he had demanded to know whether he had managed to cause them pain. No, not even them (did _you_ mourn?), only Thor. 

Stupid as he felt for it, it hit Thor hard again and again when he thought of how Loki had asked this as though he expected Thor to give a negative response. As though Thor had not cared after more than a thousand years spent together! Could he really think so little of Thor’s love? 

“Would his highness allow company?” 

Thor looked to see Sif with a careful smirk in place. He moved his legs so she might sit beside him, and gave her a small smile. “Only if the company would forgive my earlier rudeness.”

She nodded and joined him. “It is perhaps only the mead speaking, but we may forget it.” 

For a while, neither broke the silence as they gazed across the city, sparkling and full of unseen life. Thor tried to think of something to say that did not involve his brother, but it was difficult. Their earlier argument, a failure on Thor’s part, refused to stop replaying itself. 

“This will all be yours someday,” she said quietly. 

Thor shook his head. “No. It may be under my guidance, but truly there can be no possession of something so vast.” 

Her brows lifted. “You have matured greatly, Thor. In some ways.”

 _But still not in others_ , Thor supplied to himself. There was no point in arguing with her over matters that were still elusive in his own contemplation. Thor nodded a few times to acknowledge her comment. He could tell that she was debating whether to say something else. 

“What is it?” he asked, not wanting her to feel like she needed to censor herself.

“It is surely the mead speaking again,” she said, toying with the fabric of her dress, “but how was he?”

“How did you know I went?”

She snorted. “You always take more care to avoid people once Loki is in your head. And you sulk like that awful cat of his.” 

Thor laughed genuinely. “She is not so awful. But,” he was at a loss for words regarding his brother; he peered up as though seeking answers from the stars, “I cannot say the same for Loki.” 

“Is he still so vengeful?”

Absently, Thor rubbed the scruff on his face. “Possibly more so…Certainly not less. I wish I knew why.” 

“Are you very surprised?” she asked incredulously. “He was terribly jealous of you.” 

Thor frowned. “He had no reason to be.”

She did not speak right away, but her expression revealed her disbelief. “Loki had _every_ reason to envy you.” 

“Because I was to be king?” 

“Well, yes, but not only that. Are you truly so daft?” 

“Have care how you speak,” Thor teased, but inside, he was doubting himself. What was there to envy when Loki had every bit of Thor’s devotion? 

She smiled and rolled her eyes dramatically for show. “It is the truth, Thor. For example, Loki is handsome enough, but in a sort of unorthodox way. But you, well, _you_ know…” She looked too embarrassed to continue. 

Laughing again, Thor said, “Sif, you would make me blush, do stop!”

She joined him, her higher voice sounding dainty alongside Thor’s. “I would not dream of seeing you in that manner, but I’ve heard many women talk.” 

_Let them talk. Loki is more appealing than any of them._

“But would that not be boring, if we were the same?” Thor asked with a grin. It began fading when he remembered that it was Loki who had asked that same question. Had he since changed his mind regarding their differences? Would Loki prefer to be the same, after all?

“Well,” Sif said, shrugging, “you’ve certainly had no shortage of excitement.” 

Another silence followed, a bit more awkward than before. Again, it was Sif who spoke first. 

“You miss him greatly.”

Unable to meet her gaze, Thor whispered, “More than that.” 

Sif reached out and put her hand on his arm. “Despite what I’ve said, it is understandable. I only urge you to be careful. I would not have you lose yourself in pursuit of him.”

Though Thor took her hand and squeezed it, he secretly knew that he could make no promises.

\---

Of all the moments of their exchange, Loki’s look of surprise was what invaded Thor’s thoughts the most. It had been nearly a week since then. Sif was right about his tendency to sulk after visiting his brother, so he tried not to be alone too much. Thor kept himself so busy during the day that when he finally turned in for the night, he was out within minutes. 

In such a long time, Thor felt somewhat normal – though exhausted. And even as hard as he pushed himself to stay occupied, Loki always lingered on the precipice of his conscience, waiting for the inevitable lapses of monotony to attack. 

He was still so beautiful. Even in the most common attire, Loki retained his vibrancy, putting Thor in awe at times to remember it. 

_Was he beautiful when he threatened to harm Jane? When he did harm others, people who had no part in their conflict?_

No, but he was stunning when he told Thor how he craved him, when he sighed Thor’s name fervently behind closed doors, when he smiled so sweetly before falling asleep in Thor’s arms. 

How could these two exist in one person? 

_“No one changes.”_

That assertion was confusing. Did Loki think himself the exception? Or maybe it was possible, and Thor was hesitant to even give attention to the thought lest he was only disappointed again, that at his core he was still Thor’s brother. The one Thor knew. Perhaps their relationship could yet be salvaged, if only Thor could approach it the right way. 

\---

“Mother, I would ask you something.” 

“Anything, darling.”

Thor had spent an entire afternoon with Frigga, just talking and enjoying each other’s company. It was refreshing, and Thor chided himself for not spending enough time with her. If anyone shared Thor’s grief, it was her. Though it was what he initially sought her out for, the subject of Loki had not surfaced at all until now. 

“It regards Loki.” They were walking through the palace, having just come in from outdoors. 

She smiled knowingly, if a little sadly. “Yes, I assumed it might.”

Thor wondered if it was a conscious effort on her part to avoid this topic, and he felt a bit of guilt for bringing it up now. Still, he had to know what she thought. Their mother was one of his best chances at figuring out how to rebuild the bridge to his brother. 

“Have you been to see him?” 

She shook her head slowly. “I have not. Your father thinks it best for him to contemplate his behavior alone.”

Thor could tell that she did not agree with that, and neither did he. But then, there could be something she was not telling him, as well. 

“But Loki will not improve that way.” 

Loki had a tendency to bottle his emotions. Usually, he could mask his thoughts well and take out his frustration in physical ways like practicing seidr, occasionally fighting, or with Thor in the bedroom (Thor could remember fondly a few welts that he’d carried for weeks after letting Loki whip him or something similar, having refused to let them be healed with magic). There were very few times that he could remember Loki verbally assaulting anyone. Now, however, Loki was trapped in a room with no outlets of that kind; it occurred to Thor that this was likely why they made no progress the other day. 

“And how do you think he might improve, Thor?”

“I was hoping you could tell me.”

“Loki has become something of an enigma to myself as well. I take it, since you are asking, that you have seen him recently?”

“Yes,” Thor swallowed, “It did not go well.” He then told her of the encounter, omitting the parts that alluded to the physical aspect of their relationship. By the time he finished his recounting, they were inside her sitting room, seated across from each other at a table. 

“What have you gathered since then?” she asked. 

Thor’s fingers thrummed along the wooden top. “Practically nothing. I still do not understand what he means to blame me for, when it is he who has caused so much damage. I am not the one with a poisoned mind.” 

“What makes you say poisoned?” 

“What other word shall I use? Crazed, maddened? There is no other explanation for his actions. I have tried talking to him, but it is all but useless.”

Frigga stopped his impatient movement by taking his hand in hers. “If you truly thought that, you would not waste this time discussing it.”

A part of Thor, inspired largely by Loki himself, begged to differ. Even if Loki never gave him a reasonable answer for his treacheries, Thor could never completely lose hope though it felt false. _In this manner, I am surely the more senseless of the two of us_. But he found himself clinging to his mother’s words hungrily, desperate for any light in this dark maze. 

“You make a valid point, mother. It is only that I feel so lost. I know not where to begin with attempting to unveil his mind.” He enjoyed the soothing feeling of her thumb gently stroking the back of his hand. 

“Do you wish for my honest opinion, Thor?”

“Of course.”

“Then listen. If you wish to understand your brother, you must not think of him as anything less than sane. Your father did not lock him up because he is mad – he would be harmless. Your brother is dangerous right now because his mind is sound.”

Thor felt goosebumps rise along his body. “Then why would he do all of this?”

The sad smile returned to her. “Why did you speak against your father before your banishment, even after he had to retrieve you from Jotunheim? Were you out of your mind?” 

“No,” Thor hesitated, caught off guard, “I thought I was not being heard out. I thought father a fool.” 

“Were you embarrassed in that moment? Hurt? Angry?” she continued patiently. 

Thor let himself relive that fateful dispute, a memory he preferred to keep tucked away and collecting dust. He was more stubborn then, and too proud. He did not want to look like an imbecile in front of Loki, who could argue his way out of nearly anything if he tried. He was upset that he had not finished what he started and that Odin had made him look weak to Laufey. 

“Yes, I felt those things,” Thor answered. He thought he was beginning to follow her line of thought, and what he saw alarmed him. 

“So you lashed out. Your behavior may have seemed unreasonable to others, but you still had reasons for what you felt and, more importantly, what you _did_.” 

_Oh._

Thor felt like he’d just had a bucket of water thrust in his face. Frigga squeezed his hand, waiting with an expectant look. 

“Loki feels all those things, too.” 

She sighed. “I think he does. I think he feels them deeply.” 

The ever-present, dull pain in Thor’s chest began to throb. “I should have come to you before.” 

But Frigga shook her head. “You mustn’t blame yourself for that. We were both in a great deal of pain.”

 _And still are_ , Thor thought. 

\---

Runa was sitting up on the end of the bed when Thor returned to his chambers that night, looking at him with big, bright eyes. Thor grinned and scooped her up, turning her on her back to hold her like a baby in one arm. She did not seem thrilled but allowed him to rock her, swatting lazily at his free hand that tickled her belly. 

“I’ve good news,” Thor said, continuing even when she made no signs of paying attention. “Loki is not beyond our reach.” 

He kicked off his shoes and paced the room, feeling restless. Loki was not beyond his reach. He was angry – which was obvious on its own – but also hurt, and that was what Thor needed to focus on. He needed to understand what pain would have caused Loki to act as he had. It might not be easy, but Thor felt more optimistic than he had in months. He wanted to go see Loki immediately, but knew he should wait until the next day. 

\---

The guards stood a little straighter when Thor approached them the next day. 

"Does his highness wish to speak with the prisoner Loki again?"

"I do," nodded Thor, "This time, I ask that the glamour last until I return here." 

"Are you certain, sire?" Asked the other hesitantly, "Loki has been stripped of his most dangerous seidr, but he still poses a threat."

An odd feeling of pride struck Thor that Loki, who had never thought violence his specialty (until recently), could induce fear even from inside a secure room. “Has he attempted to attack either of you?”

They shared a look before one of them answered, “Not exactly, but he does create the most…vivid illusions.”

Thor could only imagine the terrors Loki had subjected them to when they were obligated to check on him. "I see. Do you doubt my ability to handle myself?"

Both of their eyes widened as they hastened to assure him that this was not the case. It amused Thor, and he smiled so they knew he was not really offended. 

“Then I am certain.”

"Very well. And the...cat?"

Thor glanced down at Runa in his arms, who was trying to look past the guards and into the cells like she knew who was in there. 

"The cat will be joining me." 

\---

Runa stayed close to Thor’s chest as they passed prisoners on the way to Loki, even hissing a time or two. As they neared his cell, Thor’s breath caught in his throat. Loki’s tunic was lying in a small heap on a chair, leaving his torso exposed. Upside down, his long legs were held perfectly straight in the air while his head and forearms supported himself on the floor. 

Thor felt an unintended surge of arousal as he remembered just how flexible Loki kept himself by practicing stances like this one. Did he practice daily here, and did the other prisoners make vulgar comments? He tried to push the thought from his mind, knowing how this would go if he came to Loki already angered. For the moment, Thor allowed himself to watch what he had not enjoyed in nearly two years.

Slowly, Loki shifted his body into different poses, his eyes shut all the while. Thor could not say how long he drank in his brother’s form, taking in the way his lean muscles moved just beneath his flesh. He was glad of the black robe that he wore which covered his whole body. 

It was while Loki had his hands and feet on the floor, back arching with his front facing the ceiling that Runa suddenly squirmed from Thor’s arms. She landed without a fuss and though Thor tried to pick her back up, she strut too quickly away, right up to the glass of her master’s cell. Loki’s eyes opened when she meowed loudly; he pushed himself back to his feet and walked to her, crouching at the wall. 

“How did you get here?” he said with the smallest of smiles. She put her paw on the glass as an answer.

Thor, who had stepped back when it was clear he could not catch Runa, felt very silly for having to reveal himself. He came forward, feeling his face heat up when Loki saw him and smirked. 

“I was unaware that I had an audience.” He glanced around and added dryly, “Other than my usual suitors, of course.” 

When Runa meowed again, Loki looked at her, then at Thor. The smirk was gone. “You are surely not so dense that you would think this to be any sort of peace offering.” 

Thor shook his head, trying to focus on Loki’s face. “I ask only that you hear me out, and then you may either say what you will, or send me away. I am not here to force an apology from you.”

Something in Loki’s expression changed while he regarded Thor’s words, though suspicion lingered. He stood and walked away, toward the chair with his tunic on it. 

“As you wish,” he said and grabbed the clothing, pausing to turn to Thor smugly. “Would you prefer I keep this off?”

“I – whatever suits you,” Thor said quickly, earning a low chuckle from Loki as he bent to pick up Runa for an excuse to look away. 

Though they both knew what he preferred, Thor was grateful to see the tunic slipped back on, if only because it was easier for him to think. _Celibacy might not have been the best policy, after all._

Sitting in the chair, Loki swung his legs over the arm, his elbow resting on the other with his hand supporting his head. He watched Thor, waiting. It was with a shaky breath that Thor walked through the barrier, something only he and few others were authorized to do. Runa escaped again and ran to Loki. Thor could hear her purrs from across the room as she was pet, thinking that he would likely make similar sounds were he given the same treatment. Loki’s face was blank, but Thor liked to think that he was just as pleased as she was for the reunion. 

He felt green eyes follow him as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, the furthest sitting spot from Loki. Beneath the robe, his hands fiddled together nervously. This was the closest they’d physically been since he forcibly brought Loki back to Asgard, and there was no denying the many forms of tension filling the room as a result. 

“Do not waste my time,” Loki admonished. 

_You’ve nothing but time to waste_ , thought Thor, though he did not dare voice it. Instead, he tried to sort through his thoughts, his optimism from the night before vanishing. In its wake was nerves, and Thor fleetingly wished that he had drank some mead before coming. 

“I would apologize to you, brother,” Thor started. Loki remained expressionless, but he hoped that it was better than a look of annoyance. “You are right that until now, I have sought answers from you more in pursuit of my own relief than anything else. I have seen what has happened only from my side,” he paused, “but I realize that you must have reasons for what you have done.”

“You have only just realized that?” Loki asked, making Thor feel smaller with his condescension. 

He tried to choose his words carefully. “I failed to take notice of whatever was happening to you which led to your actions. Perhaps…it is partly my carelessness that fueled your decisions.” 

Loki smiled without mirth. “You are not incorrect.”

His comments were not helping. Thor already felt clumsy as he spoke, inarticulate compared to Loki. It struck him that those sorts of comparisons could be part of what Sif meant by jealousy. _But I’ve never tried to make you feel inadequate; have I not but worshipped you?_

He made himself continue. “Then with that in mind, I know that it may be impossible to be as we once were, but I would try. If not, then I would at least understand why it cannot be so.”

Loki was looking away, though from what Thor could tell, he was not focusing on anything in particular. His hand had stilled its petting, but Runa appeared to have fallen asleep anyway. It reminded Thor of times when he would lay his head in Loki’s lap, usually if Loki was reading and refused to stop, and become pleasantly drowsy as his hair was gently stroked. 

The longer the silence stretched on, the more anxious Thor became. Should he say more, or would that only irritate Loki? Was everything too far gone, and Loki was only pondering how to say it? That idea made his stomach churn. 

“Please tell me you do not hate me.” The words were out of Thor’s mouth before he could stop himself. He knew that he sounded every bit as desperate as he feared he would. 

Loki looked at him, eyes wide, conflicted – but just as quickly his expression hardened.

“I would not tell you another lie.” Another smirk. “Not when you are trying _so_ hard to sway me.” 

The words were knives to Thor, slicing his back wounds anew. 

“Why?” Every inch of Thor screamed for him to rise and go to his brother. Still, an irrational part of him was happy just to have his effort acknowledged, even if it was sarcastically. At this rate, Thor would be the one driven to madness. 

“ _Because_ ,” Loki snarled, but did not continue. His eyes looked everywhere, as though there were too many reasons to choose from. When Loki had been annoyed with him before, Thor was able to kiss his scowls away and make him forget his grievances, or so he thought at the time. 

_I should have paid attention to you instead of distracting you._

“I have not taken you seriously enough.” Thor spoke quickly so that Loki would not interject with more biting remarks. “I have allowed your anger to go unacknowledged.” Loki stared at him like he’d just performed the most advanced form of seidr. Any other time, Thor would have laughed. 

“Loki,” Thor said, hoping he conveyed warmth, “I know that is not the only wrong I’ve done to you, but I truly am sorry for it. Starting with today, should we move forward, it will not happen again.”

“We will see,” was all Loki said. He did not shout. He did not order Thor’s removal. _Finally_. 

“I assure you, brother, I am sincere. _Try_ me.” Thor felt edgy. He wanted to stand, but did not want to alarm Loki and possibly stunt the progress he hoped he was making. 

He waited while, again, Loki seemed lost in thought. As they remained sitting, Thor’s eyes wandered over Loki – he could not help it. The tunic had ridden up to reveal smooth skin, and his pants sat low on his hips. His feet were bare; Loki absently moved one around. It startled him when Loki made to get up, careful to disturb Runa as little as possible. Thor allowed himself a brief, secret smile at that. 

Loki walked a few steps, then rubbed his face with his hands. He looked beyond the glass, and Thor imagined that he would like to step outside. Of course he would. Thor looked around, too, noticing the claustrophobic feeling he got when he envisioned himself really being stuck in that small room. And Loki had been here for months. 

_At least when I was banished, I had an entire planet to roam._

_And the possibility of redemption._

“The problem is, Thor,” Loki said, pulling Thor from his thoughts, “you simply cannot understand. I may tell you my mind, and you may apologize all you like, but you will _never_ -” He stopped himself, or was unable to continue, Thor was not sure which. He balled his fists very tightly and took a deep breath. 

Thor, always ahead of himself, entreated, “I understand more than you give me credit for.” 

He knew he said the wrong thing when Loki let out something like a growl of frustration. “That is exactly – of _course_ you do. I do apologize if I did not give you enough _credit_ , my lord.” He had begun pacing, his voice raised and sharp. “Perhaps you might feel better when you are crowned, when you lift that bloody hammer and all of Asgard will love you as they always have – perhaps they will give you enough credit. Even _father_ may finally find you worthy! After all this time – at long last.” 

Thor felt a steady tightening in his chest. A short distance from Thor, Loki dropped theatrically to his knees and clasped his hands together. “Until then, _please_ , forgive me, Odinson, I knew not what I said!” 

Unable to take more, Thor looked down. “Please stop, Loki.”

“What’s this? Am I now undeserving of even my own brother’s gaze? Very well, I’ll simply add that to my list!” 

Thor’s eyes stung, misty with a thin layer of tears that he was fighting not to show. He thought he would be prepared to uncover Loki’s inner thoughts, ready to fix everything, but now he hated knowing that they could very possibly be summed in one word: unworthy. It was a concept that Thor himself had struggled with during his exile. Still, he always knew in his heart that he was _meant_ for the throne, for Mjolnir, even for admiration. 

But Loki? What was he meant for? It dawned upon Thor that he had only ever imagined Loki being at his side. He had assumed, selfishly, that Loki would always be placated in roles that melded to whatever ones Thor happened to be filling. Always there, just off to the side whenever Thor needed him.

_“I remember a shadow.”_

Those haunting words sent a chill down Thor’s spine, hardly noticing that Loki was suddenly standing over him. 

“Well, are you keeping up? Is this going as you’d hoped?” Loki’s tone was absolutely acidic, and Thor was hesitant to even tilt his head back to look at him. The choice was made for him when Loki roughly lifted his chin upward. 

“I’m sorry.” He almost choked on the words. Loki was too enraged to notice, unaware of what exactly Thor was apologizing for. 

He growled again and shoved Thor’s shoulder back. “Stop being sorry, what good has it done you?” He stormed away, but then turned around again and laughed. “No, you are not sorry yet.” 

Thor mentally braced himself as much as he could before Loki went on, his body feeling simultaneously heavy and light. Or maybe it was nausea. 

“You spend centuries admiring your brother ( _but I did_ , Thor wanted to interject), wondering why you are not talented in the ways he is-”

“You _are_ talented, Loki.”

“Oh,” Loki smiled, “but not in the ways that _matter_ to anyone. You are told by your father that you are both meant for kingship, but what he does _not_ tell you is that you are, in fact, a filthy, blue runt of a frost giant, and his true opinion is that your birthright was to die.” He made a sweeping gesture with his hands. “You were never meant for any of this.

“So when you ask me, Thor, if I know, if _I_ know what it is to have your place in the universe suddenly ripped away, I believe I might know more than you give me credit for.” 

“Why did you not just tell me?” Thor implored. He rose to his feet, drawn slowly toward Loki, the need to be near him overpowering. “I would have listened. We could have avoided all of this.” 

Loki crossed his arms, holding his ground as Thor walked. “I was tired of being avoided.”

_“Living in the shade of your greatness.”_

“Down here, you will only be forgotten,” Thor said carefully, hoping Loki would realize the full gravity of what his consequences meant and be inspired to at least think on that. 

“I was never to be remembered,” Loki countered. He seemed to be considering whether to step back. 

“Not like this,” Thor agreed, “When you argue everything I say. You are right – I do not completely understand.” Loki allowed Thor to caress his neck, an old and familiar gesture. “But I would try, with your permission.” 

Loki said nothing as he looked at Thor with that open, conflicted expression again. The air felt dense around them, and Thor cared not that his own face must have bared his longing as his grip tightened just slightly. His heart thrashed in his chest, wild in its attempt at catapulting itself from Thor’s body and into Loki’s. 

Thor felt Loki’s hands inside his robe, insistently clutching the material of his tunic, and then their lips were meeting with the same earnestness. He could not say who had leaned in first, or if it was a simultaneous effort. It mattered not, for Thor could not form coherent thoughts, overwhelmed as he was: full of nerves like the first time he picked up Mjolnir, excited like the first time he made lightning, exhilarated like the first time he flew into a storm of his own creation. 

Their kiss was violent, sloppy; Loki moaned when Thor bit his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. He hardly noticed that he was being shoved backwards until his knees buckled and Thor was forced to sit on the bed once again, only this time, it was followed by Loki spreading his robe and straddling his lap. Loki’s hands pulled at Thor’s hair, making him groan as he snaked his arms around Loki’s waist. As he gave harsh bites along Loki’s neck, listening to every gasp his brother gave, Thor was oblivious to everything else. 

He was confused, then, when Loki pushed him back and looked to the glass, concern on his face. 

“Prince Thor!” was called again, distantly but not too far, and in a near panic the two of them separated. Thor barely remembered to wipe his mouth with his hand when one of the guards appeared around the corner. 

“Sire!” he exclaimed, obviously not expecting to see Thor _in_ the cell. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, what is it?” Thor asked, trying to keep his frustration hidden. 

“Forgive my intrusion, but the king sends for you.” 

“Very well. I will be along shortly, thank you.”

The guard nodded and, though clearly uncomfortable with leaving Thor alone with a criminal, disappeared again. 

When he was gone, Thor stood, watching as Loki picked up Runa. He came back to Thor and presented her to him. Once she was securely in Thor’s hold, they held one another’s gaze wordlessly. With the heat of the moment falling behind them, Loki eyed Thor almost warily. 

“You cannot mend everything with a kiss, Thor.”

Thor could not help but smirk. “Nor do I intend to. That was for my own, personal pleasure.” He began walking away, though he wanted to stay. “I must leave, but I meant everything I said, Loki.”

Loki’s eyes lit up, taking on a mischievous glint as he said, “Send the Allfather my regards, brother.”

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt: Loki is in prison and Thor reminisces about their childhood. He has memories of the times they played together, fought together and even their first kiss. Then he remembers how Loki hurt him and it shatters him as he fights the urge to go to the prisons. Eventually, he gives in and just goes to see Loki and they don't exactly reconcile, but Thor is willing to listen to Loki's side, as he hasn't heard it yet, and that surprises Loki and it can either continue to Thor understanding or end there on a positive note that they're working it out. 
> 
> As you can see, I deviated from the details a bit but I tried to stick to what I thought to be the most important parts. Thank you for reading!


End file.
